Handling sibling fights constructively: tips

These tips can make it easier to cool things down when sibling fights break out:

• Treat all children fairly. But remember that fair treatment isn’t necessarily the same treatment. For example, you can have different expectations of a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old.
• Avoid negative comparisons. Saying something like, ‘You should have known better because you’re older’ or ‘You’re the troublemaker’ can make a child feel even more hurt or resentful.
• Identify the cause of fighting. This helps you work out the best thing to do. For example, if a child has pushed a sibling and taken their toy, you need to step in. If you don’t, the child learns that fighting is a way to get what you want. Keeping an eye on your children is the secret to knowing the reason for the fighting and deciding on the right way to deal with it.
• Use family rules to make expectations about behaviour clear. For example, ‘We speak kindly’. You can remind your children of the relevant family rule and follow through consistently with consequences.
• Have a plan. This means thinking about how you’ll handle small disagreements as well as big fights. For example, you can help children work out small disagreements together, but you might decide to use consequences for fights involving physical violence or fights that happen after you’ve all agreed on a solution to a problem.
  
  

Kind regards,
Sharon Scouller